Being cute

you like that?

It's hard.

We're all fighting our own battles. Fight yours. Don't waste your time discounting others'. Remember that everything is relative. You don't know how it feels to be a baby born blind, bill gates' kid, or your mother.....you only know how you feel.

It's hard. Letting go of anger, regret, bitterness, jealousy, et al. it's hard, but you have to try to be the best side of you. You have to focus more on making sure you're okay, that you're doing things for yourself (i'm not encouraging raging self-centeredness either)...but, what I mean to say is...don't worry about the people that previously made you angry, that have broken your heart, that have disrespected you, made you question humanity, that represent everything you don't, made you cry, made you feel insecure and ridiculous and alone. Don't worry about their lives. They have battles to fight too. I think, how you will know when you are finally "over it," is when you can laugh. Smile, right? When you stop wishing ill will towards them. When you are more concerned with beautiful, great, real things. When their suffering does not please you. When above anything else, you feel neutrality. Then and only then have you successfully gotten over it. That day will come sooner than you know. =)

All I know is

i've been confused recently about things relating to love, like, and relationship.

i want to say that i love this person...because i think i actually might...a lot, but it isn't fair to me or to him to say it yet. because i don't want to have to take it back so soon. so many decisions are made based on fear and on pride. no one really wants to swallow their pride...it hurts, it's vulnerable and uncomfortable. some swallow it everyday because they have to or because they feel like they would be betraying themselves if they didn't. pride-swallowing i see as putting oneself out there..saying exactly what one wants how one wants it...actually that sounds more like command and confidence..hmm. maybe i have no clue what i'm talking about.

all i know is, i wish people took more risks. i wish people let love steer their lives more often than fear. i wish i could be with this guy and not have to worry about the extraneous, the details, the edges, and circumstances. i wish i only had to worry about what he and i feel.
maybe we don't even know each other. maybe i'm joking with myself and this isn't love. i don't know..but i do get this warm feeling inside that presses against my heart when i think about him and only when i think about him, nobody else. so while that may not translate to fated love, to an ultimate successful story of happily ever after, i think it does mean something, right? okay, good.

in any case, this summer is for me. to do what i want..to explore, to acheive, and to be. letting anything get in the way of that would be just tragic.

-justine

Imagine

Imagine if we all worked to be the best at what we do, what we naturally excel in, or what we all hope to be best at always always with the present and future of the world in mind...the possibilities for great, positive change seem to have no limit..right? but just like communism, we've learned in theory: of course. In practice? Not a chance. Many people want what is best for this world, but many of these people have little immediate power, money, or avenues to apply this power and money that wait - they also lack. Those with the power, many of them, get caught in something that I can't explain. A mess of details, everyday distractions, and more commonly, the shit side of what makes us human. I don't know how to be optimistic in America today. I don't know how to be the best citizen I can be. What does it mean to be patriotic, proud, and active? What can I do? Tell me. I don't like receiving e-mails from you 'John Kerry' or getting calls from 800- numbers encouraging me to vote for the addition of De Anza classrooms. I don't know. I really don't know how I can be a part of what I want to see change in this world. I feel like, as an individual, I can only choose a handful, if that, of world/local issues to fight for, work to change, and be a part of. And so, what do I choose? How much of myself do I sacrifice for this issue? for the potential of maybe some change? but also maybe A LOT of change? Maybe, should I just first worry about myself. Make self-oriented decisions and seek personal contentment. Maybe... maybe...I just don't know. I could use a poker analogy here (Jordan helped me with that) or I could really try to help you see it...maybe some anecdotes? I don't know. I think you get it, right? Get that I have no idea what I want to do with my life, my individualism, with my hands, mind, and energy.