Carnival in Photographs

To be continued...

It's not bad.

If I get through this week and the two weeks following,
I'll be good.

I'm already pretty good. (Maybe.)

Shit. Sophomore year is almost over.

Did that really just happen?

I don't like obligations, deadlines, or classes that I don't go to and tests
I don't know how to prepare for. Or fucked up situations.
It's too bad that I think about these things before I think about what
has been so great about this year...

You know what?

The college experience is the greatest in, what can only be
represented as, a few key moments.

• "YOU WON!!!" (a game Neha and I made up on the fly!)
• "IS THERE EVEN BEER IN THAT CUP!?!" (beer pong)
• "I'm going to have to go with 'Frank Sinatra.'" (Trivial Pursuit)
• "TELL HIM YOU WANT YOUR VIRGINITY BACK!" (my boys give me advice)
• "Panda. Shingi. Rusty." (computer cluster white boards)
• "I love you! I may even like you." (what's cool)
• "Justine, you are very pretty and you're not a bitch. It's appealing." (comfort)
• "Bitches and hos." (self-explanatory)
  
• "Rojo!" (roll your r's)
• "Your ass was like butter between my lips!"
• "I go to peet."
• "You're a slut"
• "We should be able to sleep with everyone!"
• "Fuck people!"
  

I'm just hoping for at least half a dozen more of these moments
before this semester ends.

If I can get that, this year will not have been so bad...

Okay.

There's always some reason to feel not good enough. Sure, but that isn't how we are supposed to live. It's so easy to fall victim to someone who will give you a certain type of attention, but not respect you in the ways that truly matter. In the moment the affection is great and there is no reason to doubt that it isn't sincere, but if that person isn't willing to see you as a priority, then No, leave that shit. You're better than that.. It could be so easy to be weak, I know, but who wants to start a trend in relationships, like that? Don't be the weaker half. That doesn't necessarily mean that you always have to be this powerhouse, that you must always have the upper hand and be a complete jerk, or that you must learn to attract those that are weaker than you...it just means that you don't fucking settle for anything less than what you deserve. Have some respect for yourself and stand by your word. If you say you're not going to talk to someone who is mistreating you, follow through. This message is to me and to anyone who finds it fitting.




In other news, baseball is back! I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I plan on watching every Giants game this season. I am purchasing mlb.tv by the month. It's well worth the $15 because let me tell you, I just need baseball in my life. Another thing, I plan on marrying Noah Lowry next May. He's pitching tomorrow and although he's had a few rough starts during ST, I believe in him. A good girlfriend's gotta, you know?

Okay, so I know that I've sounded really pathetic recently ("I hate most people," "I'm fucking sick of people," "I hate my life," etc.), but I have my reasons. You see, my expectations are just too high for all the wrong people. I am tired of obligations. I do not approve of the return of cold weather. This and I am desperately homesick. But so is everyone else, right? so I just have to be tough about it, because no one is going to pity me for longer than a day.




In the end, at the end of an entry or at the end of a series of thoughts, I always find that - no matter what - I am blessed.

Caught

This is modern Chinese art from the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco.

When I look at it I think caught. Recently I've felt this a lot. Caught in, in between, and with.
I just want to matter and I want to make people feel like they matter. I also just want to be at home. I really can't wait for baseball season! My mind wanders...So, I really think I like somebody right now, and it's such a great feeling, but such an unfavorable situation.

Pink giraffes on my bag are cute. I love to flip pancakes and I am going to take a shower now.

Tonight is party on Beeler.